Campanas suenan
in my heart
cada ves que pasas
Me tienes atrapado
Like a caged zoo animal
Ya quiero que me comas
with your stare
como solo tu pudieras
If only you knew
que existia calor por ti
inside of me
Dentro de mi, solo tu
in my heart
cada ves que pasas
Me tienes atrapado
Like a caged zoo animal
Ya quiero que me comas
with your stare
como solo tu pudieras
If only you knew
que existia calor por ti
inside of me
Dentro de mi, solo tu
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Very well done Remy. I can honestly say that your piece makes me do some reassessment on myself.
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Thanks Azeron. Thanks Daniel but, I need to ask, why it makes you want to reassess yourself?
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(the following comment is not meant in an offensive manner nor was I offended from the previous posting by Daniel. Please read the following comment as casual as possible.)
Daniel -
It sucks that I would have to describe how my comment is meant to be taken but sometimes, people can interpret things the wrong way when reading. Anyway.....
I knew your comment was sarcastic, I just wanted to see what you would come up with as an answer to my question. It's cool to be forward, straight out, and critical when you don't agree or don't like something. Seriously. I have no fuckin' experience in writing. I'm going through this poetry phase because I'm reading up on Neruda. I admire the man and his beliefs in life more than I do his poetry. However, he is one of the only poets I can relate to from his poems, so far.
So it's totally cool if you tell me,straight out, "Dude, that sucked." I'll post stuff periodically. Some of it will be stupid, silly love poems, maybe a dark verse, most of the shit won't even rhime ofcourse. Maybe you guys can give me some pointers.
Cool or what? -
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Unsu...
I dont think a proper format should be set in poetry composition. To me anyway, poetry writing is our own world and what we make of it. If certain people dont get it, it wasn't meant for them and they can go fuck themselves. But. If your main objective is to be a commercial poet, then pick a style or two or three and write that way. Whatever ispopular I guess. My personal advice is just write what comes out. Raw emotion is easier for me to feel than manufactured ones.
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Hey Remy,
I actually wasn't being sarcastic at all with the last comment I made. I had no intention of leaving you hanging with a response, I just don't visit this tribe all that often anymore and make very many posts.
I'm not the type of person to resort to evasive tactics to get my point across. If I thought your poem sucked ass, I definitely would have told you. But that most certainly is not the case with the piece that you wrote. I also don't have any formal training in my writing and give you a lot of credit for sharing your work with us all in this public forum. It takes a lot of balls to do that and I do commend you.
In regards to your original question, what I did in fact like about your poem is that it reminded me a lot about a past experience and it's rare that I get to exercise my Spanish skills on here ;0) -
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Unsu...
una botella de agua mineral maricon puta hota chignate chicharones
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